i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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