He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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