ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
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