CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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