the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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