We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize