Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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