when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
