you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
