My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
