Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We have started to decorate penises.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
