Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
