Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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