Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
