Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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