But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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