just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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