If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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