they need to just BURY HIM!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
