it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
