im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
