what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
