Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
