Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
