Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
