listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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