Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
