we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
