btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
