I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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