I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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