yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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