Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
