I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
