Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
