it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
