if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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