people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm at about main and main street
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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