And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
