How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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