We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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