No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
