I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
not ubering you a puppy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
