Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
