I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
