ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
