He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
