apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
