RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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