i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's just like the Real World with babies
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
