oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
